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An Overview of Arizona Primary Races - Part 4: Legislative Races 11-20

Welcome to my omnibus compendium of Arizona’s upcoming primary races (set to take place August 28th – early voting ballots should have been mailed out August 1st). Arizona’s a really interesting state (I may be a hair biased), since it not only is home to two to four swing House seats and a high-profile Senate race, but also a vulnerable governor (thanks to the teacher walkout earlier this year) and tenuous majorities in both state houses that could – theoretically – deliver a Dem trifecta this fall. Other statewide candidates have also been on the attack, and few Republicans are safe in this climate. If Dr. Tipirneni’s massive swing in April can be replicated across the state, the Dems will pull off a coup of stupidly high proportions.
If you’re interested about which district you live in, check https://azredistricting.org/districtlocato. If you want to get involved with your local Democratic party, find your legislative district on the previous link (NOT CD), and then search for your LD’s name at this link. Feel free to attend meetings, they’re a great way to get involved with candidates and like-minded individuals. If you wish to donate to a “clean elections” candidate (mentioned in the post as “running clean”), you will have to live in that candidate’s legislative district to do so. Statewide “clean” candidates can accept from anyone, although al such candidates probably have hit their goals for the cycle.
If you are a registered Independent and do not want to vote at the polls, you will need to request and early ballot using the website of your county’s recorder. Example links for Maricopa, Pima, and Pinal. Others available if needed.
Race ratings for listed primaries will be listed as Solid/Likely/Leans/Tossup and are not indicative of my own preference for that seat. I’ll denote my personal primary preferences at the end of this series.
Some candidates have filed as write-in candidates for their primary. I’m unsure about the rules behind this, and if a win means they automatically appear on the ballot in November – currently in process of verifying. For example, in 2016 Gary Swing and Merissa Hamilton both won their respective Senate primaries (Green/Libertarian) as write-ins, but only Swing was on the ballot in the fall.
If you have any questions about voting in the primary, which races are the most contested, and how to get involved with other Democrats in Arizona, feel free to PM me.
ALL OPINIONS ARE MY OWN IN MY CAPACITY AS A VOTER IN ARIZONA, AND NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF ANY ORGANIZATIONS I WORK/ED FOR OR AM/WAS A MEMBER OF. THIS POST IS IN NO WAY ENDORSED BY THE ARIZONA DEMOCRATIC PARTY OR ANY SUB-ORGANIZATION THEREOF.
View Statewide post here.
View Congressional post here
View Legislative Races 1-10 here

State Legislative Races

So as mentioned in the intro post, this’ll cover not only the federal and statewide candidates but also the state legislative races. Arizona has 30 districts, each with 1 Senator and 2 Representatives. Republicans hold meh majorities in both chambers (17-13 in the Senate, and 35-25 in the House), but Dems think this is the year for a potential flip of chambers. Due to time constraints I’ll try to focus on races with primaries, and write a primer about important general election races later – but hopefully I can get all of them done. Our party went balls to the wall and recruited 114 Democratic candidates to run this cycle, meaning that there’s a candidate running in every race across Arizona, in even the reddest of red districts. It also means there’s a lot of blurbs to write.
One additional point to make – the vast majority of people using the Arizona Clean Elections funding source are running for the state legislature. Their COH statistics will be denoted as ($XXX COH, Clean). This - for the most part – means that the only additional money they can expect in the race will come afteif they win their respective primaries, roughly to the tune of $20K-$25K or so.
So without further ado, the districts!
District 11
For our first district in the second installment of the legislative series, we head over to Northern Tucson/Casa Grande, a district that – like LD8 before it – is surprisingly only Leans Red despite its demographics and geographical location. The Republican Senate incumbent is noted theocratic asshole Steve Smith, who as mentioned earlier is trying to make the hop over into Congress. His Republican heir apparent is State Representative Vince Leach ($118.5K COH). The other incumbent Republican Representative, Mark Finchem ($44.4K COH) is running for re-election in the House, with Constable Bret Roberts ($16.7K COH, Clean) and retired carpenter Howie Jones ($700 COH) running for the second open spot. Roberts has been endorsed by Finchem and Leach and seems set to take the second nomination. His choice of running clean is odd, especially as a party-approved candidate.
Roberts may make it through to the general, but he’ll most likely run into rural liberal powerhouse Hollace Lyon ($93K COH). Unlike in LD8, the House candidate (Lyon) seems set to drag the Democratic slate, kicking and screaming, into relevancy. Wife of the president of the Arizona School Boards Association (Linda Lyon) and retired USAF Colonel, Lyon brings a great combination of education bona fides, fundraising/campaigning chops (She has outraised everyone in the district - Leach’s COH advantage is only because of his past warchest), and rural appeal (she channels Amy McGrath’s rhetoric to great success. Lyon would be a great single-shot candidate for the candidate.
Except she’s not running alone. Perennial candidate Barry McCain (no link because his website’s dead and he’s a bit of a nut, also $4 COH) managed to qualify for the ballot again this year by some miracle. Local and state party leaders, wary of ceding a ballot slot to nigh-invisible candidate, recruited local teacher and education advocate Marcela Quiroz ($630 COH, Clean – needs $5’s). While Quiroz has had some trouble getting her campaign ff the ground, she is by far a better #2 than McCain. In the Senate, rancher Ralph Atchue ($15.4K, Clean) is taking a second crack at the seat. Atchue didn’t generate many waves last time, and this time – if he does win – it will be on the backs of Lyon and Quiroz. The presence of Green Party write-in Mohammad Arif won’t help.
As mentioned before, the general rests squarely on the shoulders of Hollace Lyon, and partially on Quiroz’s as well. Both House and Senate candidates have a defined rural appeal, but only Lyon seems capable of actually translating that into results. If the statewide wave is large enough, she’ll drag Quiroz and Atchue in on her coattails.
hunter15991 Rating: Dem Senate uncontested. Solid Lyon, Likely Quiroz. GOP Senate uncontested, Solid Finchem, Likely Roberts. Leans GOP Senate, Tossup House Roberts/Lyon, Leans GOP Finchem/Quiroz.
District 12
Popping back up north somewhat, we take a look at LD12 – located in the heart of CD5. Centered in Gilbert and Southeast Mesa, 12 is so stupidly red, only LD1 and LD5 are worse. On the Republican side, incumbent Representative Travis Grantham ($26K COH) is being joined by incumbent Senator Warren Petersen ($49K COH) in their quest for House nominations, and are being primaried from the right by Mr “Ban All Public Schools” Nick Myers ($600 COH), and from the center by adjunct professor Blake Sacha ($36.5K COH). In the Senate, charter school owner and incumbent State Rep. Eddie Farnsworth ($26.2K COH) is running, being challenged from the nominal center by businessman Jimmy Lindblom ($25K COH). Lindblom still holds most of Farnsworth’s conservative views, but is attacking Farnsworth regarding how corrupt of a legislator he is, profiting off of charter school requirements he passes.
On the Democratic side, Elizabeth Brown ($15.5K) is rehashing a 2016 Senate run, and will be joined by two House nominees – currently that looks like teacher Joe Bisaccia ($12K COH, Clean) and lawyer Lynsey Robinson ($16.88K COH, Clean). Robinson is actually running on a slate with 2014 House nominee DJ Rothans ($150 COH, Clean), but his campaign has not gotten as much traction as hers.
Given the breakdown of this district it is highly unlikely a Dem. pulls it off either in the House or Senate, and with the amount of district infighting that’s ongoing (per rumors, Brown and Bisaccia hate each other’s guts and are causing a lot of chaos because of that) that chance goes from slim to none. The best bet in this scenario is for Sacha and Lindblom to pull off the upset in primaries. While they’re at best mediocre friends of public education (Sacha) and at worse a slightly cleaner version of the incumbent (Lindblom), they’re a step up from the clusterfuck currently ongoing in the district.
hunter15991 Rating: Dem Senate uncontested. Likely Bisaccia, Likely Robinson. Leans Farnsworth, Likely Petersen, Leans Finchem. All Solid GOP general.
District 13
District 13 could be a bit of a Roy Moore-ish scenario for Democrats, at least in the Senate.
So I’ll get the House out of the way first. Reps Darin Mitchell ($7.3K COH) and Tim Dunn ($76K COH)- both Republicans – are the current Representatives for the district. Mitchell has built a long-term brand in the district, while Dunn was appointed n February 2018 following…well we’ll get to that in a second. They are being challenged from the right by absolute wackadoodle Trey Terry ($9K COH), and from the center(ish) by Goodyear ViceMayor Joanne Osborne ($10.5K COH). Mitchell and Dunn seem set to make it out of their primaries by virtue of their incumbency (and Dunn’s surprisingly large warchest), although if Osborne can convince enough moderate Republicans to vote for her (she seems to be against some anti-publicEd measures here in AZ) she stands a fraction of a chance. Mitchell and Dunn will face Democrat Thomas Tzitzura ($1.1K COH, Clean), a veteran, former teacher, and adorable old guy. He’s set to lose by 30.
But we’re interested in the Senate.
Currently, the Senate seat is held by farmer Sine Kerr ($40.6K COH), an unimposing backbencher appointed to the seat in February after Steve Motnenegro resigned his seat when he tried – and failed -to win the GOP nomination for CD8. She’s being challenged in the primary by businessman Brent Backus ($4K COH), and in the general by retired Air Force veteran Michelle Harris (4.8K COH, Clean). If Kerr wins the primary, her general election should be relatively easy – the last Democrat to run for Senate here didn’t crack 35%.
But there’s another Republican running.
On February 1st, 2018, the Arizona State House voted to expel sexual assault perpetrator Don Shooter ($18K COH), a longtime Senator and at that time Representative from LD13. A report over 80 pages long detailing his deeds was filed with the House, and they had no choice but to kick him to the curb. His career seemed dead.
Ever the enigma, Shooter didn’t stop collecting signatures for the Senate run he was planning on this year (pending Montenegro’s resignation), and on the last day to file for the State Senate he submitted signatures to run again in LD13. This upended Kerr’s easy walk to re-election – while Shooter’s statewide brand was kneecapped, the voters in LD13 by and large seemed unphased by his wrongdoings at the state legislature. And with a stronger name-rec in the area and a fundraising system that doesn’t seem to be phased by his misdeeds, Shooter seems set to snatch primary victory from the jaws of defeat. With the anti-sexual abuser vote set to be split by Backus, Arizona’s Roy Moore (I don’t use that lightly, he preyed on college and high school interns as well) could make it to the general.
For all of Harris’s pros, she falters where Lyon succeeds as a candidate – both in funds, branding, and campaign intensity. If Kerr or even Backus win the Senate nomination, Harris is toast. But if Shooter makes it through somehow, the retired Master Sergeant stands a chance at turning this district blue. It will hinge on the morals of LD13 independents, and AZGOP rescinding support for Shooter if he sneaks through the primaries.
Will the stars align for Harris? Will Shooter’s attempt to reclaim his former glory turn this district blue?
Probably not.
But “probably” isn’t good enough in 2018.
hunter15991 Rating: Dem primaries uncontested. Leans Shooter, Likely Mitchell/Kerr. Safe GOP House general. Leans GOP Senate.
District 14
Like past districts, LD14 is more of a question as to who wins the GOP primary than who wins the general. The Dems are fielding businessman Bob Karp ($1K COH, Clean) and businesswoman Shelley Renee-Leon ($1.5K COH, Clean) for the House, while there’s a competitive primary between 2016 nominee Jaime Alvarez ($1.2K COH, Clean), and teacher Mendy Gomez ($1.4K COH, Clean). Alvarez should make it through the primary due to his name rec from 2016, but with teachers gaining prominence in post-strike Arizona, Gomez could take it from him.
A safe GOP district, the main question is how races on the right pan out. The House is rather tame, incumbent Rep. Becky Nutt ($19.3K COH) and outgoing Senator Gail Griffin ($31.4K COH) are uncontested for the nomination there. For Senate, there is a three-way battle between former House speaker David Gowan ($54K COH), incumbent State Rep. Drew John ($38K), and Army vet/businesswoman Lori Kilpatrick ($15.7K COH, Clean). Gowan, a candidate for CD1 back in 2016, has come to reclaim his old LD14 fiefdom, but Drew John seems hesitant to give it up without a fight. If Rep. John can hold steady, he’ll deprive the GOP of a massively-experienced ex-legislator and replace him with a freshman, milquetoast backbencher in John. Any nominee seems set to win the general, but if Gowan strikes out again here the State GOP will be in a slightly weaker position than before.
I realize counting Dems out is bad to do – the district’s a hair bluer than 13 – but if Harris at least fits her rural vibe somewhat, Gomez/Alvarez and the House slate unequivocally don’t. The Dems best hope here is just Gowan losing in the primaries.
hunter15991 Rating: Tossup Dem. Senate. Dem House uncontested. Tossup GOP Senate (John/Gowan), GOP House uncontested. All Safe GOP general.
District 15
If the doom and gloom in LD14 has got you down, you may want to try on LD15 for size. Located smack dab in the middle of AZ-06, LD15 is a microcosm of the fight Heather Ross will be fighting in the congressional district as a whole. Although the district as a whole has been red legislatively for eons, in 2016 both Sherriff Paul Penzone and Maricopa County Community Colleges Boardmember Linda Thor posted good results in LD15 – showing a capacity not only for sane Democratic votes, but also f or pro-education votes.
The GOP field in LD15 is set – former teacher and “moderate” Republican Representative Heather Carter ($45K COH) is dropping massive checks on her quest to secure the Senate seat in this district, while House Majority Leader John Allen ($46.6K COH) and incumbent Senator Nancy Barto ($24K) are running for the two House seats.
The Dem. field is well suited to meet them. In the Senate, teacher Kristin Dybvig-Pawelko ($3.16K COH, Clean – and hereafter KDP) is squaring off against Carter, while 3 Dem. candidates are vying for the two Dem. House nominations in the district. Teacher Jennifer Samuels is running as a ticket with KDP, both heavily emphasizing their education chops. Prosecutor Julie Gunnigle is gunning (pun intended) for the second spot, crafting her campaign around a strong anti-corruption message. Her legal chops are visible in her many livestreams she does, and if she fails at a run here (or for CD6) she’s got a promising practice to return to. 2016 nominee and lawyer Tonya MacBeth is the third candidate in the race – although she has not been able to adapt to the competitive primary Gunnigle and Samuels have thrust on her. With Gunnigle taking a lot of big-name endorsements (like Steve Farley) and Samuels pairing up with KDP, MacBeth is on track to get boxed out of the nomination.
In the general, Samuels and Gunnigle dodge a massive bullet, as moderate Republican Heather Carter is running for the Senate this cycle instead of one of the two House slots. While this does sink KDP (her main strength is education, but Carter counteracts that quite nicely), Samuels and Gunnigle have an opening against Allen and Barto. Both incumbent GOP legislators have been vocally against the recent teacher strike, with Allen leveraging his power as House Majority Leader to whip GOP members (like Carter, coincidentally) into line to vote against Dem. bills designed to find some sort of a fix to the teacher crisis. If the Dem. nominees can adequately tie Barto to Allen and Allen to the funding catastrophe in Arizona, then the same metrics that could push Ross over the finish line can push them over as well. The county party realizes this, having opened up an LD office here far earlier than was expected by anyone.
It likely will remain in GOP hands, but the dark money needed to protect what should be a safe seat for Republicans will absolutely send some Dems across the 50%+1 mark elsewhere in the state.
hunter15991 Rating: Dem. Senate uncontested. Likely Gunnigle/Samuels. GOP primary uncontested. Likely Carter, Leans Allen/Barto.
District 16
Located in deep-red East Mesa and Apache Junction, LD16 is a splash of cold water after such a rosy preview of LD15. Currently held by Senator David Farnsworth ($4K), retiring Representative Doug Coleman, and Tea PartieFurry fan Kelly Townsend ($32.4K). In the running for the second House seat being abandoned by Coleman are Apache PD Officer Stephen Kridler ($2K COH), businessman John Fillmore ($19K COH), activist Liza Godzich ($20K COH), and moderate-ish Tara Phelps ($26K COH, Clean). Phelps has been receiving tacit Democratic support in the area, as the Democratic primary (we’ll get to it in a moment) is relatively uncompetitive. Godzich is receiving Townsend’s stamp of approval, which for the most part sets up a Phelps v. Godzich race for the second slot after Townsend. However, a nominally-even race is slanted by the presence of Fillmore and Kridler, who by nature of their platforms are set to pull more from the right than the center. There’s a decent chance a pro-PublicEd Republican makes it through to the general this November.
On the Senate side, Farnsworth is being challenged in the primary by “Big” Michael Hernandez ($2K COH), an anti-establishment character running a hair left of Farnsworth. Anecdotally, he’s getting along quite well with the Democrat in the race, Ben Carmitchel (bencarmitchelforaz - $710 COH, Clean and needs $5’s). Although Hernandez doesn’t seem like he’ll make it to the general, he’s undoubtedly a cheery face this election. In the general, Carmitchel is joined by former teacher Sharon Stinard ($3.4K COH), as well as by Green Party write-in and former Democratic nominee for WY-AL Richard Grayson) ($0 COH). Stinard, Carmitchel, and Grayson all face a touch climb in the general – the best this district can feasibly hope for is for Phelps to make it through the Republican primary.
hunter15991 Rating: Dem primaries uncontested. Likely Farnsworth, Likely Townsend, Tossup (Phelps/Godzich). Solid GOP General.
District 17
Before I begin this segment, it’s wise for me to inform readers (however many there are) that I was previously employed by the Democratic slate in LD17, before being forced out for what in my mind are senseless reasons. I have tried not to let the firing itself impact my judgement re. this district, but the fact that Dem. staffers in this district (the people I was replaced with) are by-and-large woefully inexperienced cannot be overlooked.
District 17 is a super-crucial district for the Dems this cycle, being targeted both by the state and national DLCC. It’s the home district of House Speaker JD Mesnard ($143K COH), who is currently running for the open Senate seat in the district. The second Representative, running for re-election, is Jeff Weninger ($79.1K COH), a backbencher who focuses most of his time on passing bills related to bitcoin/blockchain technology. The party-backed candidate for Mesnard’s old seat is Chandler Vice Mayor Nora Ellen ($91.7K COH) – coincidentally Mesnard’s mom. They face RN Julie Willoughby in the primaries, who is receiving a surprising amount of backing from anti-Mesnard forces in the GOP and seems set to make the primary a bit of a slugfest. Still, Ellen most likely will advance to November.
The Democratic nominees for the district are hospital administrator Steve Weichert ($13K COH) and education consultant/former teacher Jennifer Pawlik. Both are running on a strong, education-first platform, and when I left were attacking Mesnard for his connection to Ellen and for his poor education votes.
While the district is inching closer to blue (it’s a lot swingier than one would expect) and party support is increasing, I need to take a moment and comment about the staffing situation. After my friend and I were forced out (pay and responsibilities gradually reduced to a token position), staffing duties were handed over to volunteers and political newbies, who requested training from us in practically every aspect of running a campaign. I don’t claim to be a campaign guru myself, but the current campaign manager had difficulty figuring out basic algebra, and an Excel sheets with a pre-generated set of instructions (click this tab for X, this tab for Y). Combine this with an incredible disdain by both candidates to call for money outside of their immediate circle, and there is cause for concern. Thankfully the party can allocate additional resources to the area, but I don’t know how much they’d be willing to shell out.
The ingredients are all there. The cooks aren’t.
hunter15991 Rating: Dem primaries uncontested. GOP Senate uncontested, Likely Weninger, Leans Ellen. Tossup Senate, Tossup House 1, Solid House GOP 2 (Dem. uncontested).
District 18
Immediately adjacent to LD17 is LD18 – which is just as swingy of a seat. It is currently – surprisingly – majority-Democrat, held by Senator Sean Bowie ($123K COH), a moderate Democrat who won this seat in 2016 by running against a Trumpist Republican who turned off a lot of the swing voters in the district. He faces the same Trumpist Republican, Frank Schmuck (yes, that’s his real name – and $125.7K COH) this fall.
One of his House counterparts, Mitzi Epstein ($37.3K COH), winning alongside Bowie in 2016. The second Representative, however, is GOP loyalist Jill Norgaard ($65.5K COH), a rank-and-file Republican who has had to quickly adopt a moderate stance now that her district is a target for the Dems to fully flip this November. In the general she will face either education activist Jennifer Jermaine ($15.1K COH) or DSA activist/pastry chef LaDawn Stuben ($12.7K COH, Clean). While Stuben was able to raise her $5’s rather quickly, most DSA activist attention has turned elsewhere to Westbrook/Phoenix City Council, and her campaign is slowing down just as Jermaine is catching fire. It’ll most likely be Epstein/Jermaine in the fall.
But Norgaard has a competitive primary to fight through as well. Other candidates include former Arizona Board of Regents member Greg Patterson ($800 COH), former Tempe Union Schoolboard candidate and vocal anti-abortion activist Don Hawker ($600 COH), and AZGOP minority outreach chair Farhana Shifa ($17.7K COH). Shifa seems like the most likely 2nd GOP nominee given her party background, but Patterson matches her tit for tat on the resume (yet has a surprising gap in terms of fundraising).
In the general, this seat will be one the GOP tries to take back from the Democrats, in an attempt to return to their supermajority from pre-2016. However, the changing political attitudes in the area are pretty indicative that, if anything, the district is heading further blue this fall. It’s not without the realm of doubt to see a full Dem. slate here – Bowie, Epstein, Jermaine – where four years prior it was fully red.
hunter15991 Rating: Dem Senate uncontested. GOP Senate uncontested, Likely Epstein/Jermaine. Likely Norgaard, Leans Shifa. Leans Dem Senate, Leans Dem House 1 (Epstein/Shifa), Tossup House 2 (Norgaard/Jermaine).
District 19
Thankfully for me, LD19 is quite a snoozefest. Democratic Senator Lupe Contreras ($73 COH) is running uncontested in both the primary and the general. Democratic Representative Diego Espinoza ($1.5K COH) is running for re-election, with a noticeable battle for the second House seat ongoing. The decision by Rep. Mark Cardenas to pursue higher office (he failed) led to this seat opening up in LD19. Avondale City councilman Lorenzo Sierra ($16.2K COH) is the frontrunner in the race, having secured both Contreras’, Espinoza’s, and Cardenas’s endorsements. But he’s facing opposition from Tolleson Union High School District Governing Board Vice President Devin DelPalacio ($2.9K COH). He is running on a strong pro-education platform, but as a former student of Tolleson Union I don’t consider him to be the best pro-PublicEd example in Arizona.
No Republicans have filed for this district, making the primary the general election.
hunter15991 Rating: Dem Senate uncontested. Likely Espinoza, Leans Sierra. Uncontested general.
District 20
And if LD19 was a snoozefest, LD20 is a wild ride. A Leans-GOP district in a normal year, it’s receiving a lot of attention from both parties. Three of the four possible races (GOP/Dem House, GOP/Dem Senate) are contested primaries. Incumbent Senator Kimberly Yee is running for Treasurer, leaving the State Senate seat up for grabs. I’ll try to be brief.
On the Democratic side, activist Matthew Marquez ($13.3K COH, Clean) and tax auditor Douglas Ervin ($15.7K COH, Clean) face off for the nomination. Marquez – anecdotally – is running behind Ervin in terms of in-district enthusiasm and endorsements, but the race is still close, and he does a small but dedicated progressive bloc of volunteers. Ervin still seems like he’ll get the nomination, but there’s a good chance at Marquez getting it instead.
On the GOP side, State Rep. Paul Boyer ($30.8K) and ASU Professor Charles Loftus ($300 COH) face off for the nomination. Boyer’s past history in the district and financial advantage make this pretty much a one-sided race.
The House is a bit less packed, but still a wild ride – at least on the Dem. side. The GOP only has two candidates running – conservative activist (And wife of AZ superior Court judge Clint Bolick) Shawnna Bolick ($93K COH – she has sizable connections), and incumbent Rep. Anthony Kern ($36K COH).
The Dem. primary is a bit more packed. Lawyer Chris Loftus Gilfillan ($13K COH, Clean – and yes, middle name “Loftus”. No clue about relation), small business owner Patrick Church ($300 COH), non-profit manager Hazel Chandler ($2K COH, Clean) and special needs advocate Dan Anderson ($200 COH) are all running for two spots for the general. Currently I’d guess that Gilfillan and Chandler will make it through due to their strong groundgame and online media presence, but Church could sneak through in a fluke. Anderson, unfortunately, won’t be making it to the general.
In the general, any Dem. candidate that makes it through will be relying heavily on outside party funds to get them to parity with the massive warchests of Kern/BoyeBolick. With the district an under-the-radar target by Dems (it was won by the Maricopa County Recorder, Adrian Fontes, during his 2016 campaign), such cash will be deathly important for flipping both chambers of the legislature. I personally don’t see much hope in the district, but anecdotally real decisionmakers in the party apparatus see it as more than likely to flip.
Here's hoping it does so in November.
EDIT: Christ, forgot there was an independent running. Doug Quelland is a former Republican Senator in that district running to the right of Boyer. Hopefully he helps Ervin flip it.
hunter15991 Rating: Leans Ervin, Likely Boyer, Likely Gilfilan, Leans Chandler. Tossup Senate general, Leans GOP House (x2) general.
submitted by hunter15991 to BlueMidterm2018 [link] [comments]

Skull Fucked Magazine sits down with Elvis James Skullonavich to get his take on the new ATH.

As I await in Mr. Skullonavich's receiving wing, I am unsure what to expect - A middle aged captain of industry? Child prodigy? Cialis fueled madman two weeks into a month long coke bender? The receiving wing is lined with Big Game Trophies of all sorts - lions, tiger, zebras - One specimen catches my eyes in paticular. I wonder out loud - "Where the hell did that come from?" A voice behind me speaks
Skully: Brazil.
I had no idea he was standing behind me. Wearing only a deep tan and a set of Dong Suspenders, the powerfully built Elvis James Skullonavich stares uncomfortably into my right Eye Socket.
SFM: Mr Skullon...
Sk Please just Skully.
He motions back to his latest Big GameTrophy
Sk: I bagged him in Brazil, coming out of his Computer Science Class right when we hit the ATH - He had been a hell of an adversary. It took a while to realize with no-slip work boots I would never catch him - Jorge was too fast-...too cunning. Once I switched backed to the ole Chuck Taylors ...man....u/jstolfi never had a chance.
Skully then takes a moment to almost lovingly realign the over sized leather eyepatch on Jorge's freshly stuffed cadaver.
SFM: So is it true you stole your whole Skull Fucking Identity or "schtick" so to speak from the "Crypto_King"?
Sk Look there has been a lot of confusion about that, but basically yes. I saw massive potential in Crypto. I mean when your welcoming address to an entire sub is calling them "Spineless Faggots"...well you get the drift - pure aggressive genius. Identity theft is a problem on the internet...everyone knows that.
SFM: Anything you would like to say to Crypto?
Sk: Of course..."Sorry for your loss."
SFM How did you get into Bitcoin and why have you stuck with it? Especially during the down cycle?
Sk I needed Provigil for an upcoming pre-algebra test in oh around 2013. I went over to bitcoin to ask a few questions and was quickly banned. After a few weeks of trial and error I received my Provigil and an unknown "complimentary sample bag" of goodies and it was off to the races. How could you not see the beauty of Bitcoin? A majority of the worlds computing power dedicated to mining it...China unable to ban it.... but mostly easily accessible cheap drugs. I quickly realized it would capture a trillion dollar market cap by 2020.
SFM: Why spend so much time on this sub?
Sk: Well you'll have to remember this sub had a very brief time of relevance. There was a certain amount of denial coming out of the Bitcoin camp and for a glorius moment this sub had genuinely funny moments - I think Big Lam said it best "buttcoin, come for the devils advocate...stay for the reverse trolling."
SFM Why does sietemeles continue to deny the fact that you own any coins?
Sk Partially due to losing all his coins on Mt. Gox but mostly because he sucks. A lot of people don't know it but Siet and I went to primary school together and he was constantly getting the shit kicked out of him for wearing Dodge Coin t-shirts - Between those beatings and the ass whipping he took via Karpeles, its going to fuck with a kids psyche..you know kind of turn him into a a bit of a cunt.
SFM: u/JeanneDOrc and u/beer__warrior have been critical as of late due to the fact you claim to have sold half your stash, any words for them?
Sk Lets get to the brass tacks on these two goofs. JD has a combined 6 years of Reddit time and somewhere in the neighborhood of 40,000 posts. Can you imagine if he had put that much time into say...Match dotcom? He could of actually maybe gotten laid by now instead of being the angriest man on the internet. As far as beer worrier goes...who puts two fucking underscores in their screen name? A guy like that is never going to understand the beauty of a decentralized public ledger, how to talk to girls or take a piss standing up.
SKM u/robot_slave , u/happyscrappy and u/coinday had claimed earlier in the current rally that you had either sold your coins or had fallen down a flight of steps and hopefully died on impact. Any words?
Sk (laughing) If there are three particular twats on this sub that can fuck up the rhythm of a perfectly good circle jerk its those guys. I'll just say this.. guys you can tighten those chinstraps as hard as you can and do as much hot yoga and 40 yard dashes as you want...this skull fuckings coming no matter what...the first foggy night you hear the flat slap of my Chuck Taylors on the wet asphalt and the hollow thud of my dong bouncing off my chest...only then will you realize how hopelessly skull fucked you truly are.
SFM thisismynamefornow u/theirmoss and barkey_mcbuttstain Claim once the Chinese exchanges allow withdrawals a price collapse will occur - any thoughts?
Sk: (laughing) Dude McCumstainzs is so dumb his fellow shills had him convinced the glory hole in his cubicle was a breathalyzer set up by Rick at Corporate to see if he was drinking on the job, so yeah fuck that guy. As far as the other ones they just parrot whatever Jorge tells them like that MMM ponzi bullshit and well they ran with that so well bitcoin went to a grand.
SKM Any final thoughts?
Sk Yeah big shout out to all the counter shills that ran the price to the ATH- Especially biglambda this guys been trying to help you out for years so the least you can do is carry his bags to Rocket. Thanks guys and have a great week - Skully
submitted by Skullfukd to Buttcoin [link] [comments]

House Party 05/30/2016 [Part 3/3]

KICKOUT!
Still not particularly even paying attention to the kickouts, Kait pops to her feet and runs back to the corner. She ascends to the top rope as Lee stirs confusedly on the mat.
Kait: I think I’m READY TO FALL!
The crowd pops to see a shooting star press, but, in the split second Kait took to say that, Lee makes it to his feet and rushes to the corner, knocking her off balance and “nutting”(perhaps “cunting”?) her on the turnbuckle.
Paisner: Sometimes playing to the fans can be a competitor’s downfall!
Woodbridge: And what a shame! She had really built up a nice head of steam!
Lee grabs Kait and pulls her out towards the center of the ring, her feet catching on the turnbuckle. Lee drops her down with a sickening corner DDT that receives boos from the paying audience. He smugly gives them all the Vulcan salute before going for the pin.
1!
2!
KICKOUT!
Lee sits up, frustrated at the referee for “counting slow”. He gets up and gets in Itchicock’s face.
Lee: One, Two, Three! You imbecile!
Woodbridge: Showing shades of his master, Kyle Scott!
Paisner: By arguing with the ref?
Woodbridge: By being a massive cunt.
Lee pushes Itchicock, but before he can abuse the ref into a DQ, he notices that Kait has pulled herself into the corner to catch her breath. A smile crosses his lips and he dead sprints towards her, flipping himself forward for the Blob Ball. At the last possible second, Kaiit rolls out of the way, letting Logan slam into the corner directly on his back and head.
Paisner: Ring awareness by Kaitlyn! Think she baited him into going for that move?
Woodbridge: The world may never know, Allen. But I wouldn’t put it past her.
They both lay on the mat, catching their breath, as Itchicock begins to make the ten count.
1!
2!
3!
Still no movement from either of them.
4!
5!
6!
Kaitlyn begins to stir, bringing herself to one knee. She uses the ropes, and pulls herself all the way up. Kait leans against the ropes for a moment, further catching her breath, as Lee uses the same tactic to first get to a knee, and then bring himself to his feet. Lee turns in Kait’s direction and they lock eyes. Kait gets off the ropes and motions for Lee to bring it. Lee rushes at Kaitlyn with the speed of a runaway train. She passes him through, sending him into the ropes and rebounding back in her direction. She drops down and Lee steps over her as he runs to the other side of the ring, once again rebounding and heading Kait’s way. This time, she catches him with a beautiful hip toss on his way back, but his momentum helps him almost immediately back up to his feet. He runs at her again, and is again brought down with a hip toss. Slightly slower this time, Lee pops back to his feet and tries running at her one more time.
Paisner: When did Kait get a “Five Moves of Doom” sequence?
Woodbridge: Are you comparing her to Jack Senpai, Allen?
Paisner: No. I’m comparing what she’s doing right now to Jack Senpai.
As Lee gets closer to her, Kait jumps up to deliver the final blow, a beautiful hurricanrana. However, before she can finish the move, Lee somehow finds the strength to stop her momentum and slam her onto the mat with what can only be described as a reversal pop-up powerbomb.
Paisner: Oh shit! I take it back! THAT is a move of doom!
Lee falls on top of Kaitlyn, breathless. He manages to lift her leg for the pin.
1!
2!
3!
Woodbridge: No! Kait able to kick out at two point a gnat’s cunt hair!
Paisner: Is that a measurement, Mark?
Woodbridge: Well, Kaitlyn just did it! So it is now, Allen!
Lee sits up and stares in disbelief at the ref. He wipes sweat off his brow and slams his hands on the mat.
Lee: STAY DOWN YOU DUMB BITCH!
Lee gets up and begins pacing around, waiting for Kaitlyn to slowly stagger to her feet. As she’s about to be all the way up, Lee begins rotating for his patented spinning backfist.
Woodbridge: This could be it!!
But, with her last spurt of energy, Kait jumps up as Logan is about to finish his rotation, wrapping her arm around his head and bringing him down with. . .
Paisner: D-D-DROP THE FACE BY KAIT!
Kait barely manages to crawl on top of Lee and grab his leg for the pin.
1!
2!
BLACKOUT
Paisner: Oh fuck me.
The lights come back on to reveal Brodie Hansen in the center of the ring, Kait now full of energy and already up to get in his face. The two butt heads as Lee slowly comes to on the mat. He looks up at the sight above him and his eyes widen.
Lee: Fuck that!
He rolls under the bottom rope and hightails it up the ramp and to the back.
Woodbridge: Smart move by, Logan Lee. I don’t think this’ll be pretty.
Paisner: So just another match gets ruled a no contest because of Brodie Hansen?!
Woodbridge: You want to go tell him to stop?
Paisner: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AT HOME IT APPEARS THIS MATCH WILL BE A NO CONTEST!
The tension rises as Brodie and Kait exchange murderous stares. The crowd stays deadly silent, not wanting to be the reason this explodes. Over the silence, the voices of Brodie and Kaitlyn in the ring can be heard.
Brodie: You’re very frustrating, little bird.
Kaitlyn: Yeah. Well, you’re an inbred cunt.
And with that they erupt in a fist fight that would put Ali and Tyson to shame. The sounds of fists upon flesh reverberate through the arena with sickening clarity. Their collision resembles a tornado of hatred going over a trailer park of nazi methheads. That is to say, it isn’t pretty. Somehow, Kait is able to get the upper hand and begins backing Brodie into a corner with fist after fist to the gut and jaw of the giant.
Woodbridge: Jesus! That’s some serious power behind those hooks by Kaitlyn!
Paisner: I’m pretty sure she would’ve broken most of the locker room’s jaws at this point! The boiling hatred between these two is reaching a real tipping point!
Once Brodie is up against the turnbuckle, Kait goes from fists to kicks. She kicks at the big man’s legs furiously and with a speed resembling a thrash beat. Brodie’s knees begin to buckle as his massive frame sways in the corner. Kaitlyn continues kicking, each one seemingly harder than the last. Before the giant can topple, Brodie shoots his hand out and wraps it around the throat of Kaitlyn. Her kicking stops and they meet eyes, Brodie squeezing harder and turning Kaitlyn’s face a gross blue color. Using all the force he can muster, The Beast shoves forward, effectively shoving Kaitlyn back and to the ground by her throat. Either with a quick lunge or an exhausted fall, Brodie takes to the mat as well and mounts the much smaller woman. He begins throwing elbows to the face and temples of Kaitlyn, making eerily certain to slam the points directly on the worst spots of the skull.
Paisner: Two months, going on three, these two have been at it! At this point I’m surprised neither has legitimately tried to kill the other!
Woodbridge: Didn’t Brodie have goons a little bit ago?
Paisner: I’m talking about these two killing each other! Let’s not bring up other people or else this will get really hard to get past the FCC!
Once Brodie’s made sure Kaitlyn is good and concussed, he gets off of her and rolls under the bottom rope. He takes a moment outside to stretch out his sore legs and try to shake the pain off. He then heads to the railing separating the fans from the action and reaches out, literally pulling a chair out from under the ass of a fan. As he walks away and is showered in boos, he casually flips the bird back in the direction of the fans. He slides the chair into the ring and follows close behind, his eyes revealing nothing but malintent in his heart.
Paisner: I feel like we should be trying to stop this.
Brodie picks the chair back up once in the ring and begins to taunt the fans, teasing slamming it onto the head of the near unconscious Kaitlyn on the mat. As the boos get louder, Brodie’s swings of the chair get closer and closer to her head. Right before actually hitting her in the head with the chair, Brodie stops. He looks at the chair and then at Kaitlyn. . . . and then at the corner. He grabs Kaitlyn by her leg and pulls her close to the corner. He opens the chair slightly and slides Kaitlyn’s neck inside, his intentions becoming grossly clear.
Woodbridge: Jesus fucking Christ! I refuse to watch this! I’m turning my back to this!
Paisner: FUCKING SHIT! SOMEONE AT HOME CALL THE COPS!
Brodie backs into the corner, ascending to the second rope. He stares down at Kaitlyn helpless on the mat, I smile so sinister that it would give the Devil himself chills crossing Brodie’s lips.
Brodie: NO MORE CHANCES, LITTLE BIRD! TIME TO CLIP YOUR WINGS!
Brodie readys himself to jump off the rope and slam his massive foot into the chair, surely paralyzing Kait.
BUT!!
Right before Brodie can jump onto the chair, a fan in a black jacket jumps the barrier! They hightail it to the corner and shove Brodie off with urgency, his massive frame barely missing landing on the chair anyway! Before Brodie has a chance to even understand what is happening, the fan slides into the ring and begins to deliver sick kicks to Brodie again and again!
Paisner: MARK! MARK! SOMEONE SAVED HER! JESUS, SOMEONE SAVED HER!
Woodbridge: What!? Who is it!?
With little understanding of what is even happening, Brodie begins to roll to and under the ropes. He backs up the ramp, furious as the fan turns their attention to the barely moving Kaitlyn Casey Jones. The fan gets the chair from around her neck and begins to help her up. She manages to look up, and her jaw drops when she sees the fan’s face. After helping her all the way to her feet, the fan turns to finally meet eyes with the monster on the ramp. Brodie becomes even more enraged at what he sees.
Paisner: Holy shit! It’s Lucian Alexander! Brodie’s cousin is back and he saved Kait!
Woodbridge: We knew he had left NEXT, but I don’t think anyone knew he was here tonight!
Lucian stares his cousin down as the fans chant their appreciation.
Crowd: THIS IS AWESOME! clap clap clapclapclap THIS IS AWESOME! clap clap clapclapclap
Brodie: You’re dead, you fuck! You’ve made a terrible decision coming back!
Brodie makes his way up the ramp and to the back, never taking his eyes off Lucian and Kaitlyn in the ring. Lucian then helps Kait make her way out of the ring and begins to motion for some sort of medical assistance as we fade out.
We return to the dark streets of Le Havre, a beautiful classic car pulls up, and out from it emerges a "well dressed" man of Asian decent. Both groups exit their car and converge on one another
Asian Fella: Alssalam ealaykum 'akhi Kyle
Scott: Ealaykum 'an al'akh salam Mahmud
Mahmud: W... lughan 'aetaqid?
Scott: Yes, this is my right hand man, Logan; he doesn't speak much of the mother tongue
Lee Yasrakh alghajr?
Mahmud: Indeed, screaming gypsies. Gentlemen, if you'll follow me to the back of the car
The three men proceed to the back of the car where Mahmud unleashes a stockpile the likes of which have never before been seen (in the boot of a budget car).
Lee: What the fuck...
Mahmud: As you can see we have all manner of weapons, from World War 1 rifle, World War 2 rifle, all they way through to Korean war rifle. This is how you say... the high tech shit
Scott: You don't say...
Mahmud: Oh I do say, I just said it
Scott: You.. what? It's an expression
Lee: Can we get this over with? It's all very uncomfortable
Mahmud: Fine, fine. Weapons you see here are not all I have, you pick and I dispatch them instantly
Lee: How?
Mahmud: Amazon drone of course!
Scott: So, how do we do this?
Mahmud: Very simple
Mahmud somehow pulls a computer down from the rear door of his car
Mahmud: Select the "Fruit & Vag" section, all weapons available you see there
Lee: Ahaha
Mahmud: What? What amuses you?
Lee: Nothing, I swear
Scott: You said vag
Mahmud: What? What is this vag?
Lee: Lady penis
Mahmud: That is... vile
Scott: Mhm, so I just choose the weapon and enter the amount?
Mahmud: Correct
Scott: How do I pay?
Mahmud: I accept a variety of payments, Visa, Subway Subcard, Bitcoin, anything you think of
Scott: I'll pay with my Subcard, God knows I've got more than enough points
Kyle struggles to pull his wallet from his jeans, almost as if he's trying to conceal something. His wallet falls to the floor and he scrambles to retrieve it from under the car. Hastily he puts it into the machine and "pays"
Scott: OK, well Brother Mahmud, it's been a pleasure. I hope this helps your cause as much as it helps mine
Mahmud: Ladayk baladi alttaqdir 'akhi Kyle. Shaqiq lujan. Tawdie
Scott & Logan: Tawdie
Scott hurries the two of them back to their van and they speed off leaving a trail of dust
Lee: What's the hurry?
Kyle pulls something from his coat pocket
Lee: HOLY SHIT! Where did you get that?
Scott: Stole it from Mahmud
Lee: Do you know how rare this is? And in French no less
Scott: No, but what I do know is that Tsakhiagiin Elbegdorj, the President of Mongolia is a closet fan of the Pokemon TCG. Instead of going to war, we bribe him with this card
Lee: What about the guns?
Scott: We sell them to ISIS, double our money
Lee: For real?
Scott: Yeah, how else are we supposed to conquer the Middle East unless they fuck it up?
Lee: Jesus... I don't know if I like this
Scott: You can have the card after we deal with Tsakhi
Lee: Oh right, it's fine then
A phone begins ringing, Logan presses the button to put it on hands free
Mahmud: Kyle, hayth alllaenat hu bitaqati mariu? Hunak 6 faqat fi alealam!
Scott: Yumaris aljins mae 'ukhtuk
Kyle hangs up as the rear window shatters, a plume of smoke can be seen rising in the distance
Lee: Did... did you blow his car up?
Scott: What?! No! No no no, must've been a terror plot gone wrong...
Commercial
Kaitlyn and Lucian sit backstage. Kait is nursing her injuries while Lucy greets passing WiR staff members.
Kaitlyn: Thanks for that.
Lucian: Of course. I wasn’t going to let him paralyze you.
Kait nods, thinking.
Kaitlyn: Why were you here?
Lucian stops greeting people and turns his full attention to Kait.
Lucian: What do you mean?
Kaitlyn: France is pretty far from Arkansas. And I assume you had to buy a ticket.
Lucy chuckles lightly.
Lucian: Yeah. I wanted to meet with Moxie after the show. Talk about maybe coming back. But then that happened, and I couldn’t just be a bystander, you know?
Kaitlyn thinks for a moment.
Kaitlyn: Yeah. That makes sense. Thanks.
Just then, a slender, sexy woman comes walking down the hall, a huge business smile across her face.
Moxie Moon: I believe I heard my name!
Moxie walks over to the two and hugs Lucian, giving him a French kiss on the cheek with her welcome.She goes to do the same to Kaitlyn, but as Kaitlyn leans up to oblige she winces in pain. Moxie looks the two over before talking.
Moxie: That was quite a match you had with Logan Lee, Ms. Jones. I’m sure it would have been a real barn burner had the World Champion not decided to interfere.
Kait nods, picking up an icepack and holding it to her head.
Moxie: And you…
Moxie turns to Lucian.
Moxie: There’s no telling what your cousin would have done to her if you hadn’t come to the rescue.
Lucian: The thing that holds your belt is not my cousin, Moxie.
Moxie: Fair enough, Mr. Alexander.
Moxie claps her hands together, a sudden excitement seemingly taking over her demeanor.
Moxie: Now! Since the pleasantries are out of the way, time to talk the real reason I came and found you two! Kaitlyn, you seem determined to have another go at Brodie’s title, and I’m perfectly willing to provide that. However, the large man has a certain way for persuasion, and he made it clear that if you were going to get another chance; you’d have to earn it. So that’s what you’ll do next week! Next week you’ll get your official number one contendership match for a chance to prove yourself!
Kaitlyn’s eyes light up and a smile crosses her lips for the first time since we’ve seen her tonight.
Moxie: But! It won’t be easy, Ms. Jones. I can’t go just sticking you in another match with AKI Man to make it impossible for you to lose. No. Not at all. Instead, your opponent will be a former tag team champion, former member of NYS’s developmental NEXT program, and your savior tonight!
Kaitlyn and Lucian look at each other, surprised.
Moxie: That’s right, darlings. What could be better for ratings?
Moxie lets out a smug laugh before waving at them and beginning to walk away.
Moxie: Tah-tah! See you next week!
Lucian begins to nod, wearily, as Kaitlyn continues just to stare at the man who possibly saved her life. Before any words can be exchanged, a voice is heard off camera down the hall.
Andrew “Dragon” Garcia: HOLY SHIIIIIIIII!!!
Lucian turns his attention to the direction of his old friend, and a smile explodes across his face. He walks out of frame as Kaitlyn continues to stare off, now into the distance.
Lucian: Hermandad de fibra de baja moral para la vida!
Rubble Kings Theme (Dynamite) by Run The Jewels hits, and a lone spotlight appears on the ramp, revealing Santiago Martinez standing in the light, holding his stolen independent title, raising it high above his head like he's the actual champion.
Javier: Introducing first, from Coral Gables, Florida; by way of Medellin, Colombia, weighing in at 214 pounds, standing 6 foot 2, Santiago Martinez!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Paisner: Last Week, Santiago Martinez returned after 3 months in a huge way, with he and his cartel goons taking out his opponent here tonight Russ Reynolds, and the Independent Champion Dragon, and as you can see here, Martinez took Dragon's title belt in the process.
Woodbridge: While Santiago sure as hell made a statement last week, I have a question whether this decision may come back to haunt him, pissing off Dragon isn't usually a good decision, Russ Reynolds has proven time and time again to be an outstanding competitor, depending on whether Santiago is rusty or not may determine whether this all turns out well or not.
Santiago walks down, belt still raised high in the air, he talks some shit with fans around ringside, before hopping up onto the apron, jumping over the ropes into the ring, and awaiting Reynold's arrival.
Rainbow In The Dark by Dio plays, as Reynolds busts out from behind the curtain, a focused look on his face, as he walks down to the ring.
Javier: And introducing, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 215 pounds, standing at 6 feet, "Danger" Russ Reynolds!
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Paisner: And Reynolds coming down with a purpose tonight! He has to be upset after finally getting Rang off of him, only for Santiago to come out and make a statement out of him, while also hurting his chances of beating Dragon and gaining an independent title shot.
Woodbridge: And that purpose may be his rise, or his downfall, either he stays focused and on his game, or he gets driven to too much anger, and get sloppy, which would most certainly cost him the match.
Reynolds quickly throws some fist bumps to some fans, as he walks down to the ring, eventually getting up on the ring apron, staring down Martinez, he steps into the ring, as Tai Ni Wong calls for the bell.
DING DING DING
Russ and Martinez circle each other, and stare at each other, before Russ rushes in at Santiago! Reynolds quickly grabs Santiago's legs and drives him into a corner! Reynolds then starts deliver shoulder thrusts to Martinez, before stopping that, and starting to chop away at Martinez in the corner! After the chops, Russ whips Martinez into another corner, where Russ runs at him with an amazing dropkick right to the gave of Martinez! Martinez falls to the ground and out the ring holding at his face!
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Woodbridge: Russ starting this match with fire!
Martinez leans on the guardrail outside, as Russ calls for him to get back in the ring, Martinez circles the ring for a moment, before slowly sliding in, and facing Russ again, they once again circle each other, and this time Santiago is the one who charges! Doing the same thing as Russ by picking him up and driving him into a corner, but rather than going for shoulder thrusts, Santiago decides to slap Russ across the face!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Santiago quickly backs off, with a smug smirk across his face, as Russ tries to go after him, but Wong restrains him so things don't get out of control, Wong eventually unrestrains Russ, who's calmed down, but still clearly irked at Santiago's disrespect, they circle for the third time, and they close in on each other and lock up for a collar and elbow tie-up, but as soon as they lock up, Santiago decides to forgo the technical wrestling, and just knees Reynolds in the gut! Dropping Reynolds to his knees! Santiago then grabs Reynolds head, and starts to deliver repeated knees to the side of Russ's head! Picking his head back up everytime it falls to the ground. Santiago eventually releases Russ's head, and it just falls to the ground, Russ clearly already a bit out of it from all the knees. Santiago kicks at Russ's head a few times, before running the ropes, he reaches Russ, but jumps over him to continue running the ropes, he then repeats that process once reaching Russ again! He then continues running! And then completely stops his momentum, and lightly tapping Russ's head.
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Santiago looks out at the crowd booing him, and flips all them off!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Paisner: Santiago riling up this crowd, and he seems to love every moment of it.
Santiago gets back over to Russ, sits him up, and then runs the ropes real quick to deliver a stiff kick to Russ's back! Russ grits his teeth and falls back in pain, as Santiago quickly gets on the ground with him, and repeatedly elbows Russ in the face with stiff strike and stiff strike! Santiago then picks up Russ grabs his head, runs with him, and drives his head into the top turnbuckle! Russ's head bounces off the turnbuckle, so Santiago gives him a european uppercut to the back of the head! Russ falls back into the corner, face resting on the turnbuckle, as Santiago runs off to the opposite corner, and rushes back with a superkick to the back of Russ's head! The head trauma from the kick and being driven into turnbuckle causes him to slide down and fall to the ground! Santiago looks down at Russ and laughs, as he casually pushes Russ out the ring with his foot, and yells at Wong to start counting!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
While Wong starts to count, Santiago parades around the ring taunting the crowd, flipping them off, and talking shit. Wong hits 7 and Russ starts to stir on the outside, trying to get to the ring apron! The count of 11 hits, and he gets his fingers on the ring apron! But Santiago rushes over, and stomps on Russ's fingers! Russ screams and holds his fingers, as Santiago decides to slide out the ring, picks Russ up, and tosses him straight into the barricade! And then into the ringpost! And then once again into the barricade!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Paisner: Russ could be in real trouble here! Santiago's controlled the match and hasn't shown signs of rust, Russ might need luck on his side tonight!
Russ lays on the grounds in pain, staring up at the ceiling, as Santiago goes to pick him up, and tosses him in the ring where he covers Russ!
1!
2! No! Kickout by Russ at 2!
Santiago screams at Wong to count faster after Russ's kickout, and then quickly gets back on Russ, and puts him in a sleeper hold!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Santiago wrenches in the sleeper as tightly as possible, squeezing as much air as he can out of Russ, who struggles and flails around to try and get out. Santiago screams various insults at the fans in attendance, as Russ' flailing gets less and less motion to it. With Santiago's grip only getting harder and harder until he's gripping Russ's neck like an anaconda!
Crowd: RUSS! RUSS! RUSS! RUSS! RUSS! RUSS!
Santiago: Why do you all need to chant? It's not like he had blood in his head in the first place!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
All the veins on Santiago's body almost pop right out of his skin as he clenches in the sleeper more and more, as the chants seem to not be doing much for Russ, as he's starting to fade more and more, with his face becoming noticebly paler by the second! With Santiago screaming as he clenches and clenches!
Crowd: RUSS! RUSS! RUSS! RUSS! RUSS! RUSS!
Wong decides to go over to Russ, and check on his condition, he checks him real quick, and then decides to raise Russ's arm, and it drops!
Crowd: No!
Wong then lifts Russ's arm again, and once again it drops!
Crowd: No!
Wong then lifts Russ's arm one last time, and just as it seems as Russ's arm is about to hit the ground once again, he stops of arm from falling and lifts it up!
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Russ feeds off the energy of the crowd, and he starts to slowly, but surely get to his feet, as Santiago desperately tries, but fails, to get Russ back down! Russ eventually gets to his feet, and starts delivers elbows to the gut of Santiago until he lets go, and eventually, Russ hits enough to get out of the sleeper!
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Woodbridge: Russ got out the sleeper! He may finally get something going!
Russ gains back his breath real quick, as Santiago recovers from the elbows rather quickly, and tries to go after Russ with a lariat! But Russ ducks, and he runs the ropes as Santiago rebounds off the ropes himself, they eventually meet in the middle, where Russ drops Santiago with a high knee to the face! Knocking Santiago down! Santiago manages to quickly make it to a corner, but that gives Russ the opportunity to run off to the opposite corner, and come back with a running dropkick to the head of Santiago! Santiago falls in a heap to the ground, as Russ screams for the audience!
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Paisner: Russ with that intense fire and burning passion!
Russ walks around the ring, and hypes the crowd up by throwing his arms up, and stomping on the mat, waiting for Santiago to get up. Santiago eventually does, with clear signs of wooziness. Russ walks over to him, hooks him up, and throws him with a northern lights suplex! Russ keeps Santiago hooked, but doesn't bridge, as he rolls through back to his front, and delivers another wonderful norther lights suplex to Santiago! And yet again, Russ does not bridge, but rolls through, and then delivers a third, and lightning quick northern lights to Martinex!
Paisner: Aurora Borealis! What strength from Russ! The Bridge!
1!
2! No! Kickout by Martinez!
Russ quickly gets back to to business, and picks up Santiago and whips him into a corner, where he hits a running chop to Martinez! The sound of the chop explodes throughout the arena, and Santiago holds at his chest, with his breathing clearly have been offset, Russ looks out to the crowd, and shouts something.
Russ: Do you people want another?!
Crowd: YES!
Russ: You got it!
Russ makes sure he keeps Martinez contained in the corner, and then charges up for another chop, before deliver another stinging chop to Martinez's chest that was even louder than the first one! Martinez's eyes nearly bulge out his head, and he tries desperately to get out the corner, but Russ pushes him back in! Russ quickly looks out to the crowd, who instantly start cheering! Getting the message, Russ charges up for another chop, and delivers enough vicious chop to Santiago! The chop sounding like a gun went off in the building, as it seems Santiago has lost all breath in his body! Russ then starts to deliver chops faster and faster, until he's delivering them at a lightning fast pace, with Santiago futilely struggling against the chops! Russ eventually finishes his chops, and whips Santiago into the opposite corner, where he hits Santiago with a running european uppercut! He then whips Santiago back into the original corner, where Russ hits him with another euro uppercut! As Santiago stumbles out the corner, Russ jumps up for a cutter to Santiago! Planting his face in the mat! Russ then rolls the cutter into a Dragon Sleeper submission hold!
Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! RUSS! RUSS!
Paisner: Russ's run of fire may end with him getting Santiago to tap out to the Ace Killer!
Santiago screams in pain, as Russ clenches and wrenches on the Dragon Sleeper as much as he can! Santiago digs his fingernails into the mat, trying to get a base to crawl to the ropes, but Russ is wrenching so hard, Santiago struggles to move forward, just helplessly moving around in a circle that gets him nowhere! Santiago screams, as he claws and claws to try and move forward, which causes Russ to clench harder! Santiago uses his arms to try and pry Russ's arms off his neck! But this is to no avail, as Russ has too much of a death drip on Santiago, and Santiago is getting less strong each second he stays in the Dragon Sleeper, with his body falling closer and closer to the mat! Russ screams as he sinches in, but suddenly, Santiago manages to make one quick movement, and rolls over!, pinning Russ's shoulders to the mat! Santiago even manages to flip over to put Russ in more predicament!
1!
2!
No! Russ at 2 and a half!
With the pin Santiago got on him, Russ is forced to completely kick out, releasing his grip on Santiago! Santiago gets up, clearly a bit out of it from all the life being sucked out of him in the sleeper, but he still manages to take his place in a corner, but Russ quickly rushes over to him, and attempts a forearm in the corner! But Santiago gets out, and Russ crashes into the corner, and stumbles out of it holding his back, and Santiago rushes at Russ with a forearm smash of his own! Knocking Russ to the ground! With Russ holding his face in pain! Santiago waits for Russ to get up, and once Russ is almost up, Santiago runs the ropes, and keeps running until Russ gets up, and attempts a slingblade! But Russ forcefully pushes Santiago to the ground! Santiago screams and holds his back, but manages to quickly get up, as Russ quickly hits him with a superkick! Stunning Santiago and turning him facing away from Russ! Russ backs up, and signals for Santiago to turn around! Once Santiago does, Russ runs at him, and goes for the Dangerous Kick!(Jumping Corkscrew Roundhouse Kick) But Santiago manages to duck! And he ends up with his back in front of Santiago, which allows Santiago to take advantage with his "Phantom Pain" Backstabber!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Woodbridge: A wonderful exchange between these two wrestlers! Santiago gaining the advantage with a devastating backstabber!
Santiago gets up, and waits for Russ to get up himself, who's holding his back and gritting his teeth in pain! Russ eventually drags himself up by the ropes, and Santiago runs behind him, jumps up on his shoulders, and delivers a reverse frankenstiener to Russ!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Paisner: Jesus! The Set Up from Martinez! Russ may be out!
Martinez transistions smoothly out the frankensteiner, gets on the apron, and starts to climb the ropes! He gets to the top turnbuckles, and flips off the crowd with both middle fingers, before attempting a 450 splash! But Russ manages to get his knees up, and Santiago lands right on them!
Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Santiago bounces off, clutching at his chest to try an get any breath, as Russ tries to regain his composure from the reverse frankensteiner. Russ holds at his head, as he and Santiago both try to get up, Russ manages to get up just quick enough and runs at Santiago with a Dangerous Kick just as Martinez gets up! But Santiago ducks once again, and gets an O'Connor roll on Russ! Santiago grabs a handful of tights!
1!
2!
3!
No! Russ manages to kick out despite the tight grab!
Both men get up at the same time, and Santiago gets the advantage with a quick forearm to Russ’s face! Santiago then whips Russ into the ropes, and then Santiago runs the ropes himself! They pass each other a few times, before Santiago jumps up, and smashes Russ’s face with a Single Leg Dropkick!
Paisner: Cartel Speicial from Santiago! He may be on his way to victory!
Santiago looks down at Russ, before doing a throat slice, and making his way to a corner, but suddenly, out of the corner of Santi’s eye, a hulking figure dashes towards him. He turns around, and get gored out of his boots by Andrew Garcia! He pins him down, and Garcia wails down strikes to the head of him as the ref calls for the bell.
DING DING DING
Dragon elbows the shit out of the downed Martinez, until Russ drags the brute off of him. He gets him up, but Dragon pushes him away and goes back to his man, stomping at him as he scurries away. He runs to the entranceway, as Garcia slides out of the ring and goes to the inside of the apron. He holds up a chair, but drops it, deciding that it just wouldn’t cut it, and goes back to the apron. He drags out, of all things, a ladder from underneath and goes after Santiago. Martinez, wanting no part in what the champ has in mind, keeps running until he makes it to the staircase and go up the staircase. Dragon tosses the set of ladders at him, striking the man in his legs and sending him on to the concrete corner of them. Just then, a few of the masked goons appear, blocking the entrance of the stairways from both sides. Garcia picks up the ladder from the ground, and swings it at the goons, all ducking from it and running off. He turns around and see the target head back up the stairs. He makes it back up, and sees Martinez behind four more goons. Thinking quickly, he rushes at them with the ladder, and pin all five men to the railing, slowly pushing upwards ass if to put great danger in the rudos’ hearts.
Reynolds: What the fuck are you doing?
Reynolds grabs Dragon from behind, he turns around and holds the ladder on one hand. He moves towards Russ, as he begins to slow back off from the giant. One of the goons uses this as an opportunity to attack him from behind, but he barely budges from the blow to the back. Garcia drops the ladder completely, and focuses his attention on the goon. He grabs him by the throat, covering his entire throats with just one hand, before lifting him high up into the air and chokeslamming him over Santiago and Co’s head into the merch table below. A low crunch can be heard as camera’s cut to the carnage of clothing and ruined gimmicks strewn about. Cut back to Dragon, looking down at Martinez, muttering something along the lines of “violent people”, before turning around and heading down the stairs. Fans run away from the man, as he walks to Maurice’s table. The man looking up at the monster, still muttering those words, as he snatches his title from the table, Maurice running away from it entirely. He turns back around at the two men and points right at them as he raises his title up high, as we fade to black.

Wrestling Is Reddit © 2016

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[Table] IAmA: Alright you perverts! I'm that dude with three testicles...ask me anything!

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2014-03-25
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
Do you have a nickname for the almighty tri-sack? The trinity? Three musketeers? Threes -a-company? The trinity is my favourite so far..
Trifecticles? The Three Nutskateers? Ballverly Hills Cop lll? Never mind that last one. You're The Juggernutt, bitch! Hahah awesome!
Do you know doubledickdude? WAIT Are YOU also doubledickdude? Nope and nope. Sorry!
Would you rather have 2 dicks or are 3 testicles better? Testciles.
Have you ever considered naming them Alvin, Simon, and Theodore? Which one would be Alvin? Alvin is the right one, theo the left, simon the middle.
Wait.. Your right or my right? My right.
Your your right or my your right? Always mine.
Why did you want to show your genitals onto a random forum like reddit? You said in your first post "Finally I turned 18" or something like this. Which showed a general excitement. Was you excited to show your private parts out? I know it's funny, but were you in general excited? Ahaha I just know reddit would go crazy over my balls!
TFW I know people love my balls and want to know more about them. Haha darnit!
Relief that people know - Regret for posting pictures at all - Wishing you'd posted more - Shame that you took dong photos with a dirty mirror. Im kinda neutral on the fact that thousands of people have seen my balls, and no shame!
Any issues with running? Also, and most important, when it's hot out do all 3 stick to your legs or just two leaving the 3rd hanging like a little meatball pendulum? All three. Two to the left, one to the right.
Although for you, they're actually called 3UNDR. Hahaha.
How many people know about this? Close friends? Relatives? Siblings? What were their reactions? Initial reactions from sexual partners? Literally three people. Doctor, mom, dad.
Thanks for the reply, follow up. Have you ever had a hormone test done to see if you produce more testosterone than the average joe? No I havent but as you probably noticed I am not very hairy ahah.
Are you type A (all three testicles fully functional, connected to a vas deferencs) or type B (no connection to vas deferens)? What's a typical reaction from a partner? from doctors or nurses? I wanna say type B, but I'm not really sure. I've had the same doctor forever, and he's known for a long time, so there isnt much a reaction. No friends or partners even know.
Thanks for replying - I didn't know it was possible. Now I'm going to wonder if a partner who's touchy about his balls is actually very sensitive or maybe hoping I won't notice something. J/k. Sort of. Haha yeah I know. I guess ill just rock it and see what happens.
I would think the reaction would be similar to what you see here - curiosity, a few questions, I can't imagine it'd be negative. Yeah I hope so. *girl throws up.
So, have you not had any sexual experiences before? Or did they just not notice? Ive dabbled. Nobody has noticed. It wasnt that intense.
WAIT WAIT WAIT. I have to ask...how old are you? (Not that everybody needs to lose their virginity before 18, but um, I need to know I just looked at legal balls if I was gonna look at balls at all this afternoon) Haha yes I am 18. March 15 birthday.
Does the term "balling" have a different meaning to you? Whenever I hear someone say it I turn my head to see if that person was talking to me.
Do you have a ball-related nickname? Not yet but reddit has given me tons.
Why? Do people who know you generally know about this? And is that something preordered say, referencing your condition? Nope.
Do you have a favorite? Right one is the most normal.
What about poor old lefty? Eh he gets by.
With a little help from his friends? Yup.
Have you ever wished you had a different number of testicles? I mean, 2 has gotten pretty stale for me. Do you ever dream of like, 4.5 testicles? Or even 4.6? Im thinking right now and although this is interesting 2 would be prime.
Has a girl ever put all three in her mouth?! Unfortnately not yet;-)
Have you thought about doing porn? Yes but no.
3 balls is a rarity. Rarity = more money. Oh ya and secks and stuff. Haha u bet.
If you give them a squeese, which one hurts the most? The leftest one. It's the weirdest.
Are you like, the bravest guy in the world? Not sure I did anything that astounding?
But now whenever someone says to you, "wow you've got balls", you can be like, "yes. three of them, to be exact." Yuup.
How do you not get testicular torsion? I careful.
Do you battle fear of rejection or teasing while dating? Have you tried/thought of getting one removed? Is that even a possibility? (Questions of the female mind) Ive thought of getting one removed, sometimes I think of fear and rejection but then realise I could probably play it right. I'm sure it is a possibility.
Unless there is a medical reason, I don't think you need to remove any to feel better about yourself. It's not a big deal, honestly, more like novelty. And if my boyfriend had three balls, all my girlfriends would know, because I would brag. Yeah I probably wont to be honest...but knowing its an option...
Have you ever compared how much you ejaculate to another man? Would you say less or more? Nope I have not.
Maybe even less.
Three is my lucky number. Did that factor into your ball count? Yes.
Pretty Ballsy to post this if you ask me. sorry had to Question: how do partners generally react? Haha none have found out. I'm not gonna go say I've been with many though...because I haven't.
I feel like it would be hilarious if you never tell a future GF or wife and just see how long it takes, imagine their reaction if they don't notice for like 3 years. Hmmm...it would be a cool experiment.
Did [this] (Link to www.youtube.com joke go over your head when you first saw it, or did you always know that you had one more scrote than what's considered "normal"? Hahah ive known since people started making nut jokes!
Yo got balls. Anyways, are there any positives/negatives you have with having the..yanno... three musketeers? Negative, they take up a bit more room and would be awkward to explain. Positive...I can say I have three balls?!
I don't see how you could give an honest answer since you don't know how much friction 2 balls cause. Exactly what the problem is with most questions.
Is the bounciness a problem when you go for a jog? Also have you ever worn spandex at the beach? The bounciness isnt really an issue with the right underwear and I can't say i've ever worn spandex at the beach...
Newton's Cradle? Link to imgur.com. Hahah yes!
Which one do you think is worse? Having 3 balls or 1 ball? 3 prally.
Have you ever been Eddie Torres for halloween? Nope but I might this year? I'm not too old yet!
Wait a second... I just looked at your balls. How fucking old are you? Just 18.
Obviously your parents and probably close family are aware. Is it solid joke material within the family circle? You don't seem to be sensitive to the issue. My parents know but they have never joked about it.
How bad does it hurt to get kicked in the balls? Pretty bad just like anybody.
Do they affect your confidence with girls at all? It doesn't look like they'd even notice it truthfully. No it hasnt. Im just scared if maybe one did find out...
Do you like that you have 3 testicles or is it a bit of a problem to you ? Id rather just have 2 tbh.
Don't say that! You've been blessed! Hahaha.
Are they all the same size and function the same? And if so, do they require any extra "attention?" The rightest is a bit bigger. They dont require extra attention.
Care to elaborate on your decision? I mean.. 30 of them?? The more the merrier.
Would you mind donating the extra to James LaBrie or Roger Hodgson? For $20 000.
I don't think you know what "donate" means. I guess I oberlooked that.
Holy shit you're also Canadian. Somehow I see this as our new secret super weapon. Other than being more masculine than every other man by default, what other super powers do you have? Can you control your erection like Brock Sampson? I can punch people with my boner.
Has any classy lady had the pleasure of fitting all three in her mouth? Nope nobody has had the pleasure...
Is this literally your most asked question? I've seen it at least three times myself! :P Most asked is "how big are your loads"
Can you knock the paint off walls with your mighty orgasms? Its like a pressure washer.
I only have one. Can you hook me up? Im putting it on silk road for 100 bitcoin.
How do you feel about women with 3 boobs? Have you met one? Do they feel the same about you? Are you sad you don't have 3 penis..is? Are my questions getting to weird for you? How bout now?..OK I'm done. Hahahaha.
What is the weirdes reaction that someone have given you when they found out? Unfortunately I don't have any of these stories...
Psh. Man it's Reddit... Just lie! I did show my friends the post so they have all secretly seen my balls now though!
What did they say? They all just laughed!
It is going to blow their mind when they find out it was your ball sack you showed them. . . I aint telling them.
Do you get 1.5 times the amount of satisfaction i get when i unstuck my balls from my thigh? Yes but it comes with 50% more discomfort...
At this point in the AMA I have to ask... How many creepy weird messages have you received regarding your tri-nuts? About 20PMs from dudes asking to put my balls in their mouths...and another 30PMs from girls just saying normal stuff about them. The guys have been way creepier.
How is there enough oomph in there for another one? Mine hang n shit, but there ain't room for a third. Guess I was born like that.
Have you named them yet? If not, are you open to suggestions? My fav: The Three Nuteteers. Thats definetly going in the hat.
So what's the big deal? Why can't you just surgically remove one? Should be simple as hell. I could and I might.
Do you think getting hit in the balls would hurt more or less without a third testical? It probably hurts more. I'm not sure if they all work. I would think at least one does.
What's your favorite color? That tint of purple you get in the veins when you bundle your balls.
So when someone says "Grow a pair" what do you do? Whip out my balls and say "I tried but failed"
Do you feel that having an extra ball makes up for being circumcised? I dont mind being circumsized.
In fairness, this would likely work at college bars pretty easily. It's kind of like a woman saying she has pierced nipples. there's only one way to be sure. And while they're looking with their eyes... Anyone else think this would make a great pickup line in the sleazier dives for this reason? That seems to be the concensus.
What's the sound of three balls slapping? Clack...delay...clack...echo.
Wow. They cut off your foreskin, but left you three testicles. You're lucky that they hadn't descended. You know those sick fucks would have wanted to take it from you. Does it hurt 50% more when you get kicked in the balls? Theres just a higher chance ill bebhit.
Is this your theme song? So far...yes.
How do you like your coffee? I hate coffee.
Good point. Do you have to get special ones? No just bigger.
Have you seen this? (Shameless x-ppost into comments). Link to www.news.com.au. Yes I have. I was flattered!
How the hell do you fuck!? excuse my brash manners, but seriously, does it hurt to even masturbate? Its not painful.
I Had cancer and lost a testicle. Can you spare one of yours? For a hefty sum!
I don't recommend getting surgery on your junk. I didn't enjoy it. Enjoy your three balls good sir. Haha okay:)
How tall are you? Head hair color? 6 feet blond/brown.
Does getting kicked in the balls hurt more than you'd expect it normally would? Theres a larger surface area to be hit!
Homo Eroticus? (great movie) Hahahaha.
Do you have extra testosterone?? or extra spermy loads? Nope and nope.
Would you say you have a high sex drive? Maybe?
Which ball do you consider to be the extra? Left, righty, or center...y? Yeah I dont really know. Id say left.
Do your parents know (maybe from when you were a baby?). Yuup.
Hope this isn't too personal but are your loads bigger than normal? Nope.
Rob Ford 4 Mayo. Yeahhh.
I bet if you auctioned the third one Lance Armstrong would pay big. I know. Id maybe go for $20 000.
Reminds me of an old joke. A guy has three balls and wants to make some money. So he goes into a bar and bet a guy that between them they have five balls. So they go into the bathroom and the other guy drops his pants and says, here's mine, lets see your four. Hahaha.
Extra large athletic protectors required. Definetly.
There are literally dozens of us! An army to be awoken!
Curious if you've had a sperm count test to see if all the plumbing works. (Might be worth doing at some point before the possibility of marriage rears its fertile head.) And, of course, there's that Monty Python sketch... I'm yet to have any testing done. I'm starting to think it would be a good idea though!
The good part is his deep manly voice. The bad part is he needs a beach towel for a spuge rag. Hahaha.
Will you draw faces on them and post it to /WTF :D. Hahahah.
I will respect you when you get three chicks to suck each nut at the same time. Apparently I'm yet to get your respect:(
Would you rather fight 3 Horse sized Human testicals. Or. 30 Human sized horse testicals. The second one.
Just got caught looking at your ball sack on the train.. Ahahhahah. At least they are nice balls.
I see you're freshly shaved and ready for the photoshoot. I am indeed.
Hey some asshole on a radio station i was listening to at work brought you up and just started yamming on about reddit and how you have 3 testicles...it was actually kind of upsetting some stuff he was saying. thought you should know. sorry for the bad news. Hey I heard about some radio shows talking about me? I actually want to hear the kind of stuff he said please! I dont care if it was mean. Tell me!
So when you cum is it just like opening the floodgates of semen or just normal. I wish but im pretty sure its normal.
Nice AMA, you've sure got a set of balls to put a dick and balls pictures online. Haha I guess I do.
My ex-father-in-law boasted of having three balls as well, I never accepted his offer to see them. Clearly he was proud of them and had no need to be embarrassed! Haha thats awesome!
Last updated: 2014-03-30 00:42 UTC
This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to epsy.
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